Last night I felt like watching the Melania Trump documentary on Prime Video. Watching it was the final straw in a cloud of negativity that had been circling around my head for quite some time. I felt pity, disgust, anger, exhaustion, just ugh.
So I started writing, not because I think I’m a writer, but because I needed to. I basically wrote a mental vomit of thoughts, a text full of sarcasm, venting and thoughts that had been clouding my head for a while. All of this while watching sugary images trying to whitewash a world of private jets and appearances. All while wondering how on earth people with less personality than a snail end up where they are. Oh dear, poor thing, on the verge of burnout because she doesn’t like the shade of gold on the invitations for her husband’s party.
Just… ugh.
But in reality, our BFF Melania wasn’t the cause of all this bitterness. The bad mood came from somewhere else: I am ex-haus-ted. Wildfires, politicians arguing with each other like little kids, wars, corruption, Jeffrey Epstein, disasters, violence, everyone’s indifference… just ugh. Everything seems wrong. Months and months, years of negative news that slowly rots the soul.
At some point over the past few weeks I even started looking for a full-time job, because I felt there was no point in making cute stuff in this shitty world we live in.
And suddenly, watching this woman’s life, I had a revelation: that must be such a miserable way to live. How lucky I am to be sitting on the sofa in a worn-out pyjamas, without a bra or make-up, with my dog on my lap. How nice that my partner loves me for who I am, that he’s my life companion and doesn’t see me as a decorative ornament. OK, I’m poor, but at least I don’t have to wear those high heels all the time. How nice is that.
And so I don’t forget that, I’ve decided to make a little mental list every day of things that make me happy. Five things a day, so it doesn’t feel forced. My own silly things: writing that I’m happy because my family is healthy doesn’t count, because that (at least for me) is obvious. Just a small way of keeping my head in the right place.
Here’s today’s list:
1. Of course, number one today is that I found a four-leaf clover.
2. Lots of super colourful tulips I don’t remember planting are now in bloom.
3. Thinking about Miguel makes me smile.
4. There are so many birds singing that I have to close the window to make a video call.
5. All the seeds I planted in the vegetable garden are germinating (good!).
In short: yes. It really is worth making characters that make people smile in this 💩world. Because the world is actually very beautiful.
And if for a moment you forget that, perhaps looking at a Buu might help you reconcile with the world a little again.
(Look at me being all inspirational. See that marketing-style ending I just pulled off? Clearly the four-leaf clover’s fault 😎).
